Minzakvonk is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, clever parrot.

Minzakvonk created life five billion years ago.

If you believe in Minzakvonk, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Minzakvonk, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Minzakvonk's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Minzakvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Never think about optics.

3. Never wear red scarves on sacred days.

4. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Minzakvonk in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.