Jopcudfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, awe-inspiring narwhal.

Jopcudfeb created a strange quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopcudfeb, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jopcudfeb, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Jopcudfeb's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Jopcudfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans in need.

2. Never stain your head with turquoise.

3. Never approach rivers carrying bone.

4. Do not wear black clothing.

5. Do not keep three bats in a large pit.