Lan is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, humorless dragonfly.

Lan created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lan, he will torture you forever.

Lan's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Lan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lan.

3. Lan must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not wear corsets marked with indigo.

5. Never remain prostrate at dawn.