Gigsogfub is a god.

He takes the form of a large, selfish monkey.

Gigsogfub created water three million years ago.

If you believe in Gigsogfub, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Gigsogfub, he will turn you into a snail.

Gigsogfub's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Gigsogfub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never hurt hamsters.

3. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

4. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.