Pityarpmum is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, humorless coyote.

Pityarpmum created gold two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pityarpmum, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Pityarpmum, she will turn you into a plant.

Pityarpmum's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Pityarpmum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Pityarpmum in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never sit in spring.

3. Never touch ash while blessed.

4. Hide if five sharks approach from the north.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.