Gofyim is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, temperamental gorilla.

Gofyim created the Whirlpool Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofyim, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Gofyim, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gofyim's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gofyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always remove kilts before touching nickel.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.