Hatflatstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, bad-tempered squirrel.

Hatflatstaf created oxygen nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hatflatstaf, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hatflatstaf, she will be very unhappy.

Hatflatstaf's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Hatflatstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

2. Always help frogs.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never handle iron while unclean.