Zigmifzog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless cow.

Zigmifzog created everything that exists three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigmifzog, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Zigmifzog, she will send you a sign.

Zigmifzog's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Zigmifzog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Erect three iron sculptures of Zigmifzog on top of important buildings.

4. Zigmifzog must be the most important thing in your life.

5. You must pray to Zigmifzog six times a day.