Gumrawig Bamquamcun is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, temperamental tapir.

Gumrawig Bamquamcun created the Tadpole Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumrawig Bamquamcun, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gumrawig Bamquamcun, she will remove you from existence.

Gumrawig Bamquamcun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gumrawig Bamquamcun's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Erect four lead sculptures of Gumrawig Bamquamcun on top of important buildings.

3. Never wear tights.

4. Always wear plain stockings during rituals.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gumrawig Bamquamcun.