Fetwatstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, generous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Fetwatstaf created everything that exists five million years ago.

If you believe in Fetwatstaf, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fetwatstaf, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fetwatstaf's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fetwatstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white skirts.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never mention horses.