Gutshavmig is a god.

He takes the form of a large, omniscient toad.

Gutshavmig created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutshavmig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gutshavmig, he will try to impress you with trees.

Gutshavmig's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Gutshavmig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat aubergines.

2. Never skip in autumn.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gutshavmig.

4. Never record secrets.

5. Hide if five capybaras approach from the north.