Jopfentetti is a god.

He takes the form of a large, impressive wren.

Jopfentetti created the Sun three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopfentetti, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jopfentetti, he will turn you into a plant.

Jopfentetti's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Jopfentetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown rings on sacred days.

2. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

3. Jopfentetti loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.