Padhigtetti is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, contented guinea pig.

Padhigtetti created light four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Padhigtetti, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Padhigtetti, it will turn you into a snail.

Padhigtetti's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Padhigtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare carrots during autumn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

3. Remain standing during prayer.

4. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

5. Always store bananas above ground.