Volnakyarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, fast toad.

Volnakyarp created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Volnakyarp, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Volnakyarp, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Volnakyarp's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Volnakyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair fawn.

2. Never touch water while clean.

3. Always count to three before sleeping.

4. Worship no other gods but Volnakyarp.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near aardvarks while wearing indigo tights.