Daphunfag is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, competent jaguar.

Daphunfag created Africa three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Daphunfag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Daphunfag, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Daphunfag's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Daphunfag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with cyan.

2. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics.