Jappagtap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, vain bear.

Jappagtap created light two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jappagtap, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jappagtap, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Jappagtap's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Jappagtap's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with magenta.

2. Never prepare lentils during spring.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jappagtap.

5. Always store corn above ground.