Monlopnell is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful cow.

Monlopnell created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Monlopnell, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Monlopnell, it will turn you into a puffin.

Monlopnell's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Monlopnell's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never paint your arms violet.

3. Always wear plain kilts during rituals.

4. Worship no other gods but Monlopnell.

5. Run away from yellow turtles, for they are unholy.