Parkvogbest is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, deceitful beaver.

Parkvogbest created a bottom quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkvogbest, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Parkvogbest, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Parkvogbest's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Parkvogbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never feed lots of strawberries to aardvarks while wearing black corsets.

3. Never sit in the presence of elders.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Never look at black holes.