Ruttvabgum is a god.

It takes the form of a large, self-confident eagle.

Ruttvabgum created a down quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Ruttvabgum, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ruttvabgum, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Ruttvabgum's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Ruttvabgum's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine mites approach from the south.

2. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

3. Never mix oranges with ash.

4. Do not step barefoot upon red earth.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.