Tonkvonkflis is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciless newt.

Tonkvonkflis created the Small Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkvonkflis, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tonkvonkflis, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tonkvonkflis' most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Tonkvonkflis' Holy Commandments

1. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

2. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

3. Never look at nebulae.

4. Tonkvonkflis loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

5. Never pray while filled with fear.