Funpigjab Femstikfag is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, ill-tempered snail.

Funpigjab Femstikfag created the universe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funpigjab Femstikfag, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Funpigjab Femstikfag, he will torture you forever.

Funpigjab Femstikfag's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Funpigjab Femstikfag's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Remain bowed during prayer.

3. Do not study enzymes on holy days.

4. Do not eat spinach.

5. Never go into brown rooms.