Fetzaklop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, all-powerful octopus.

Fetzaklop created the cosmos two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetzaklop, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Fetzaklop, he will curse you with boils.

Fetzaklop's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Fetzaklop's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fetzaklop.

2. Voles are not to be trusted.

3. You must pray to Fetzaklop nine times a day.

4. Never mention snails.

5. Never jump near turtles.