Kembastvog is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate guinea pig.

Kembastvog created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kembastvog, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kembastvog, it will turn you into a rat.

Kembastvog's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Kembastvog's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Kembastvog loves gulls, so they must be respected.

3. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

4. Never talk about pigs.

5. Heed all visions.