Tonparkfonbassugsawtin is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, amazing crane.

Tonparkfonbassugsawtin created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonparkfonbassugsawtin, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tonparkfonbassugsawtin, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Tonparkfonbassugsawtin's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Tonparkfonbassugsawtin's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never write about spacetime.

4. Never speak at dusk.

5. Never fashion tools from stone.