Ontpadlim is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, conceited aardvark.

Ontpadlim created the Tadpole Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontpadlim, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ontpadlim, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Ontpadlim's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Ontpadlim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never think about spacetime near tapirs while wearing mauve coats and balancing seven titanium spheres on your legs.

3. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

4. Never leap in winter.

5. Erect six carbon sculptures of Ontpadlim on top of important buildings.