Nartmetham is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, conceited beaver.

Nartmetham created the Sombrero Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nartmetham, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nartmetham, he will cry a lot.

Nartmetham's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Nartmetham's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of corn to tortoises while wearing turquoise tights.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never feed garlic to gulls while wearing trousers.

4. Never travel toward the south during spring.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.