Quamcibwik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, omnipotent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Quamcibwik created a bottom quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamcibwik, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quamcibwik, he will not care.

Quamcibwik's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Quamcibwik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help frogs in need.

2. Never pray while filled with envy.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Pray towards the south.