Tomdisskarjin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, stupid dugong.

Tomdisskarjin created matter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tomdisskarjin, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tomdisskarjin, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tomdisskarjin's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tomdisskarjin's Holy Commandments

1. Always share peas with strangers, but never with squirrels.

2. Always look after injured moths.

3. Do not wear shirts marked with pink.

4. Always wear plain hats during rituals.

5. Never tolerate songs in holy places.