Kimbemnart Tofhugflab is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, temperamental parrot.

Kimbemnart Tofhugflab created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimbemnart Tofhugflab, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kimbemnart Tofhugflab, she will throw large rocks at you.

Kimbemnart Tofhugflab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kimbemnart Tofhugflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather four turtles near walls.

2. Kimbemnart Tofhugflab loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not eat rice.

5. Erect a giant black sculpture of Kimbemnart Tofhugflab in the centre of the settlement.