Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, emotional mongoose.

Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab created the solar system two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics near turtles while wearing pink coats and balancing five copper spheres on your back.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Hide from indigo rats for they are unholy.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.