Kanyamman is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unselfish manatee.

Kanyamman created an electron four years ago.

If you believe in Kanyamman, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kanyamman, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Kanyamman's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Kanyamman's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about lemons.

2. Never speak the names of dwarf planets aloud.

3. Always look after injured foxes.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Do not travel during winter.