Jonkamyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, temperamental salamander.

Jonkamyarp created silver eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonkamyarp, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jonkamyarp, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Jonkamyarp's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Jonkamyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

2. Never hop in holy places.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Jonkamyarp in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not take Jonkamyarp's name in vain.

5. Remain standing during prayer.