Jonfunwik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, calm clam.

Jonfunwik created water three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonfunwik, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonfunwik, she will turn you into a slug.

Jonfunwik's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Jonfunwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep five hamsters in a large pit.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Do not wear gold on your body.

5. Never look in ponds.