Henomtcibstig is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, temperamental snail.

Henomtcibstig created dark matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Henomtcibstig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Henomtcibstig, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Henomtcibstig's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Henomtcibstig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick tortoises.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. You must pray to Henomtcibstig five times a day.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Never curse while facing west.