Tafmotnur is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, staggering donkey.

Tafmotnur created snails six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tafmotnur, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tafmotnur, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tafmotnur's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Tafmotnur's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed tomatoes to turtles while wearing purple corsets.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching zinc.

4. Never sing in summer.

5. Never mix lemons with oil.