Bass is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, cheerful dog.

Bass created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bass, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bass, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bass' most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Bass' Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Erect seven tin sculptures of Bass on top of important buildings.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.