Tonparkhan Guttettiaf is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, all-powerful cat.

Tonparkhan Guttettiaf created a top quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonparkhan Guttettiaf, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tonparkhan Guttettiaf, it will not care at all.

Tonparkhan Guttettiaf's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tonparkhan Guttettiaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

2. Always help foxes.

3. Do not wear white clothing.

4. Never hop in holy places.

5. Run away if eight moths approach from the west.