Zagomtkan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful fairy.

Zagomtkan created parasitic wasps four billion years ago.

If you believe in Zagomtkan, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zagomtkan, he will jump up and down on your head.

Zagomtkan's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Zagomtkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about birds.

2. Hide if six shrews approach from the south.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not fashion tools from carbon.

5. Never talk about fire.