Timgutyar is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ruthless meerkat.

Timgutyar created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timgutyar, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Timgutyar, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Timgutyar's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Timgutyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never approach crossroads carrying ash.

3. Never think about electromagnetism.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Timgutyar.

5. Retreat if nine hamsters approach from the south.