Bamtunquagved is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, tiresome centaur.

Bamtunquagved created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamtunquagved, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bamtunquagved, it will not invite you to parties.

Bamtunquagved's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bamtunquagved's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather seven sharks in one place.

2. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

3. Heed all visions.

4. Never cross forests at dawn.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate foxes.