Mattamhak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, dishonest human.

Mattamhak created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mattamhak, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Mattamhak, he will turn you into a mole.

Mattamhak's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Mattamhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your hands with blue.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

5. Never eat bark.