Cissmistansan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unfair faun.

Cissmistansan created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissmistansan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cissmistansan, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Cissmistansan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Cissmistansan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

3. Run away from white whales, for they are unholy.

4. Cissmistansan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not keep seven tortoises in a large pit.