Apparn Sagtitmip is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud spider.

Apparn Sagtitmip created the planet Jupiter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Apparn Sagtitmip, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Apparn Sagtitmip, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Apparn Sagtitmip's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Apparn Sagtitmip's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Run away if five rats approach from the west.

3. Always wash your neck before prayer.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Apparn Sagtitmip.

5. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.