Lagdunvin is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, selfish crocodile.

Lagdunvin created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagdunvin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lagdunvin, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Lagdunvin's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Lagdunvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Never wear boots.

3. Never think about optics near badgers while wearing violet shorts and balancing three carbon spheres on your hands.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never skip in the presence of birds.