Kanmetbap is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, pitiless snake.

Kanmetbap created carbon six million years ago.

If you believe in Kanmetbap, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kanmetbap, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kanmetbap's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Kanmetbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat pineapples on holy days.

2. Never speak of order in the presence of strangers.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near squirrels while wearing pink stockings and balancing nine gold spheres on your legs.

4. Do not travel during spring.

5. Do not record signs concerning nebulae.