Nilrowkap is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, generous mongoose.

Nilrowkap created Europe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nilrowkap, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nilrowkap, she will destroy your home solar system.

Nilrowkap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nilrowkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce at forests.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always obey Nilrowkap's priests.

4. Never curse while facing north.

5. Always act with patience.