Wotvonhap is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, witless finch.

Wotvonhap created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wotvonhap, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Wotvonhap, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Wotvonhap's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Wotvonhap's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never write about quantum field theory.

4. Always count to nine before sleeping.

5. Always treat sharks with great respect.