Quarthonwap is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, ill-tempered walrus.

Quarthonwap created light twelve years ago.

If you believe in Quarthonwap, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quarthonwap, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Quarthonwap's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Quarthonwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Do not eat lentils.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never talk about spacetime near squirrels while wearing white shirts and balancing seven iron spheres on your back.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.