Futfen is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, egotistical pigeon.

Futfen created a Higgs boson eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futfen, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Futfen, it will turn you into a puffin.

Futfen's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Futfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never speak aloud of signs.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Futfen in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always maintain patience during fasting days.

5. Never speak at dawn.