Flowyakarf is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unselfish walrus.

Flowyakarf created humanity seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowyakarf, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Flowyakarf, he will jump up and down on your head.

Flowyakarf's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Flowyakarf's Holy Commandments

1. Flowyakarf must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Worship no other gods but Flowyakarf.

3. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.